Humility

Humility.

A confusing word. Let’s look at Webster and what the iconic dictionary has to say about the Christianese word: : freedom from pride or arrogance : the quality or state of being humble. 

To understand humility you must understand: HUMBLE. Let’s define humble. Again from Merriam-Webster, Definition of humble 1: not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive , 2: reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission 3a: ranking low in a hierarchy or scale : INSIGNIFICANT, UNPRETENTIOUS 

Humility is often misused to mean: SUBMISSION and while submission is included in the definition of humble it’s not the definition of HUMILITY. Humility is free from pride and arrogance.

If a leader, friend, church elder, boss, or superior of any kind says to you, “You just need to humble yourself,” often pronounced ‘umble’ - please turn around and run. THAT IS NOT the definition of humility - that is submission for the sake of control. Generally speaking I find church plants and business leaders begin their journey with the best of intentions but pride gets in the way of the long term plan - SERVICE TO OTHERS.

The road to success is weary and tiresome. The journey hardens the hearts of church leaders and business owners leaving those burns to turn into some serious ego issues. Those ego issues lead to seeking a team of followers who submit to their will -  not the the long term goal of success. 

You CAN NOT force someone into humility; you CAN force someone into submission. Submission though, that has to do with rank, not posture of the heart. Do you really want a team of people who are beneath your rank who don’t honor you by choice? Are they working for you by force? Have you created a harsh environment for Christian worship? Is the only form of worship you tolerate a reflection of your ego?

I was once a member of a congregation that deeply valued the work of the Holy Spirit. It was powerful and big things happened however, worship and the messages were out of sync with the Trinity. Because the sole focus was on the gifts of the Holy Spirit there was seldom an opportunity to honor Jesus for who HE IS. Additionally, there was one very off kilter service where we were asked to identify our congregation leader as a king and it was NOT BIBLICAL. This leader and I didn’t jive. I was always on the outs with him. I wouldn’t give in to the authority he wanted to have over my life. He was desperate for people to follow him because his self worth was rooted in the approval of a congregation. If you didn’t give him your allegiance he felt threatened and you were considered: unsubmissive, prideful, and not gifted. 

I didn’t learn humility by watching this but I DID learn to READ MY BIBLE. (something I didn’t do very much in Bible College.) 

Maybe your experience with forced humility has manifested from the work place. It’s happened plenty of times in my 30 years. The phrase often goes like this, “well you ARE GOING TO HUMBLE YOURSELF and learn that what we’re doing is right.” Cool but you aren’t and it wasn’t but we can piece-meal this together. The vision wasn’t successful because the attitude of service and humility from LEADERSHIP was never demonstrated. The business failed, for a number of reason but mainly, they weren’t willing to listen to the ideas of someone younger. Someone who wasn’t them. I didn’t learn to be humble through that experience. I DID learn that listening to new ideas is required for success. 

Your experience with submission could come from abuse. This is needs to be CALLED OUT in the Christian community and it 100% is not. The American Church has left thousands of victims helpless at the hands of their abusers for the sake of false doctrine regarding submission and humility. I was sexually abused as a young adult by a man in his 40’s. When I rebelled the statement he often used was, “You’re gonna humble yourself”. What he meant was- I’m going to withhold something important or valuable to you so you give me what I want.

Forcing someone into submission creates fear - the opposite of the message of the gospel. 

You guys, If someone is trying to force you into humility please understand that is not humility. That is submission and a rank in a caste system. Humility is born out of LOVE. 

When my second husband left I dang sure wasn’t ego tripping but I was completely humbled by the generosity and out pouring of love I received. I wasn’t prideful but I WAS self-righteous. I’m not self-righteous any more (well, maybe a little bit but it’s A LOT better). I am a humble person now but it wasn’t because someone forced me into seeing their own idolized nature. I’m humble because I had the hell beat out of me with life and I was LOVED BACK INTO IT.

Humility: freedom from PRIDE or ARROGANCE. I want to replace the word pride with these: self righteousness, egoism, or arrogance. Humility can not exist with those words.

If you are a leader reading this please do the hard work of looking at your heart. Are you asking your team for submission? Are you listening and making them valuable? Are you actually on the path to great success or are you creating a culture of idol worship where you are in control?

Friends, listen to me, you will learn humility but it won’t come by force from a single person or entity. IT will come from a true, loving, steadfast group or person, who LOVE you into your next phase of life. I don’t know what that looks like in your circle but Yahweh does. And He is looking out for you and has your best interest at heart. 

Hear me: it is in YOUR best interest to leave situations where someone is trying to force you into submission.