Fear of Failure aka Fear of Rejection

Fear of failure.

It’s shoved down our throat that that’s what we’re afraid of. It’s generic but introspective, it makes us look like we’ve given some thought to justify our lifestyle. It’s the topical excuse we use to not pursue or dreams aka it’s the excuse we use to stay complacent and victimized.

Some of you had an awesome adolescent experience that was chock full of encouraging adults and mentors encouraging you to pursue your dreams and goals. But many of us aren’t given that experience. If your upbringing was like mine it was a combination of control, criticism, and conservatism that more often than not yielded rejection. Many of you had an upbringing like mine and it’s led you to some misaligned mindsets.

Let’s set one of those mindsets free.

We don’t actually have a fear of failure. We have a fear of rejection.

We stopped pursuing our ideas because we believe the voices in our heads (that often aren’t ours but the voices of the mentors and critics surrounding our teen years). We believe that we will be rejected NOW the way we were in childhood or adolescence.

It’s much easier to believe we can’t and to stick with the status quo than to break out of our comfort mindset [it’s a prison of complacency]. It’s easier to succumb to the belief of doubt, it’s easier to stick with the belief that our “world” will reject us the way our family does, it’s easier to stick with a mindset of self-defeat.

It takes bravery to just TRY something new.

It takes bravery to be willing to be BAD at something new.

It takes EFFORT to stick it out and see if it’s for you.

Do you know why so many of us are trapped in the misery of now? Because we’re afraid that the critics [often our childhood families] will be right. That if we mess up then their negative thoughts towards us will be correct.

Here is the deal friends: I see you. I know how desperately you want out of that shell of complacency. Let me be the first to tell you, “IT WILL HURT.” It will. It will be uncomfortable but I promise you this - whatever you want to try or explore will be worth it.

But the more you try things. The more you explore what you’re actually capable of the rejection of things won’t bother you as much. Eventually, that rejection won’t be part of your decision making process at all. As you take initiative to get out of whatever box you’re in you’ll find that the “world” isn’t as mean and critical as you’ve been taught to believe.

What I want for you, beautiful reader, is to come to terms with your fear: it’s not failure it’s rejection, figure out what you’re either doing or not doing because of it, then make one simple step to get out of it. Then keep making those small steps until you get to your big thing.

Take baby steps to find your magic. Do one small portion of your pursuit. And you know what? If it isn’t the world’s next Da Vinci masterpiece, if it isn’t the world’s next best Eric Ripert, if it isn’t the world’s next Heidi Klum or Annie Leibowitz - it’s ok.

The point of overcoming rejection is not fame but experience. The point of overcoming fear of _______________ (fill in the blank) is to be confident in your identity - to become whole.

Yes - there are villains in this world but I promise none of them will be as harsh to you as the critical voices inside your head.

Try the damn thing. Be BAD at it. Then camp out with it and master it.

You’ve got this babe.